


Valentine's Graveyard

by wandererswan



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inspired by Shameless (US), Married Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Past Drug Use, Sandy Milkovich - Freeform, Sandy Milkovich past, Underage Drug Use, brief Gallavich mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29307714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandererswan/pseuds/wandererswan
Summary: It's that time of the year and his memory hurts as much as when it happened.A brief one shot about Sandy Milkovich's childhood.
Relationships: Debbie Gallagher/Sandy Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Kudos: 17





	Valentine's Graveyard

**Author's Note:**

> I've got to grow quite fond of this character and thought of a million things for her story.  
> Not saying is my best, but I quite liked how it turned out. Also Gallavich, because there's never enough of those two.  
> If you like it, feel free to leave some kudos and thank you for reading. 
> 
> **This might or might not become an actual fanfic, still a work in progress.

It was that day of the year.

The only one since it had happened, that Sandy actually allowed herself to show up anything else than a though face. She might have been young back then, but the memories of Felix where still pretty much alive in her head like if it had been not so long ago. She used to blame herself over and over, ‘til eventually she realized that doing so was the exact opposite of what Felix had taught her well for over nine years.

[“Show your teeth, fuck them up, fight ‘til there’s no more to fight for”]

And for over nine years, young Sandy would listen, she would learn the hard way to defend herself, to show up, to fuck anyone who dared to even try and hurt them back. Pity was for the weak, sorrow was not allowed, and Sandy had that tattooed to the very bottom of her soul, with blood and heartbreak.

So, like another day, she woke up at the Gallagher’s, she wasn’t good at her numbers for most of the time, so to be quite honest she wasn’t sure how long had she been crashing at Debbie’s since they both had fucked on ‘prom night’. Of course, it wasn’t that she was that bad at keeping count, but more a fact that unless there was money involved, or something she actually had to remember by heart was needed, she did not see the point on trying to keep count of things. Life was constantly going, moving, changing, so the less she would focus her attention, the less things would affect if all of the sudden they were seemed to come to an end.

She lit up her cigarette from the night table next to Debbie’s, and felt the smoke slowly fading inside her, she thought of Felix, she thought of those darkened pieces of her memory and glanced at the sleeping redhead by her side. Debbie turned over at her and still with her eyes closed, pulled a soft smirk at her that made Sandy unconsciously smile back.

—You look surprisingly thoughtful this morning—Debbie said with a raspy voice.

Sandy didn’t answer right away.

—Guess was just thinking about how hot you look in the morning—she answered, and Debbie giggled, then opened her eyes and stared at her with a smile. Although they had been through some personal issues together on the last couple of weeks, perhaps even more than Sandy would’ve wanted, it was clear that Sandy somehow was building a certain level of trust with the little redhead.

She still wouldn’t admit she “loved” her the way Mickey or Ian would do every damn second of the day, but she did care deeply, even more so about Franny, whom surprisingly had also gained a deep place in her heart by now.

—You don’t look bad yourself—Debbie replied—I’m actually up for a morning bath if you’re up for it too—

Sandy grinned and pressed her lips against hers before nodding—can’t get enough of me uh?—she teased and Debbie laughed, as her cheeks turned red at her comment.

—Well, I mean… that thing you do with…—Debbie was about to say something else, when Franny jumped in the middle with the same energy that would always wake them up even on a very well-deserved weekend.

—MOMMY! MOMMY! It’s Valentine’s Day, are we getting any chocolates like last year?—Franny yelled.

—Chocolates uh?—Sandy said giving the kid a nice smile and pressing down her cigarette on the table.

—Yeah, mommy got a bunch from the dollar store last year, I got a tummy ache, but I loved it. Uncle Mickey said he want to compete with me on how many chocolates can we eat in a minute—

Debbie laughed.

—Oh, don’t even try it, he won’t last a second against you—Sandy said.

—FUCK YOU SANDY—she heard from across the hall and she and Debbie laughed.

—Thin walls, am I right?—Debbie shrugged, standing up to cuddle her daughter.

—Well, then I have a great idea, since Uncle Mickey is so eager to go against you this year, he should take you on a chocolate hunt—

—YAY! CHOCOLATE HUNT!—Franny yelled again.

—Even better, you should take Uncle Ian too—Sandy added, and Franny jumped up and down.

—SERIOUSLY, FUCK OFF SANDY. I HAVE PLANS—Mickey yelled from the hall.

—Too bad—she answered, and Franny went down the bed and running up to Mickey and Ian’s.

—UNCLE MICKEY, UNCLE MICKEY. CAN WE GO ON A CHOCOLATE HUNT? YES? YES? UNCLE IAN?—

Sandy and Debbie laughed silently looking through the door at the pair that would never say no to their favorite niece.

—I swear to God, Sandy—Mickey said with a grumpy sigh and then lifted the little redhead on his shoulders, taking her downstairs as she burst into laughter. Ian watched with the worst loving expression Sandy had ever seen.

—So… about that bath…—Sandy said going back to Debbie.

Debbie giggled and nodded.

—The fuck Sandy? Can you shut the fucking door?—Ian said, and Sandy flipped him off, as she placed herself on top of Debbie’s.

—You do look hot in the morning, you know?—Sandy said, running her fingers through Debbie’s back as she looked into her beautiful freckled face.

For a moment she could forget of her invasive dark memories and let Debbie Gallagher take their place.

[…]

—There’s something I need to do today…—Sandy said as she poured some coffee into the first mug, she was able to find in the sink. Debbie looked immediately disappointed at the thought of her girlfriend going away on Valentine’s Day, not that she wasn’t expecting Sandy acting like it was no big deal, but… at least to spend with her the day had crossed her mind several times. Sandy continued—was wondering if you would like to come—she finally said, and Debbie seemed confused.

The words were not easy to put out of course, but Sandy thought that… if she was going to “try” and be honest with Debbie from now on, this could be a good start, of course there were a few reasons why Sandy wasn’t all up for Valentine’s Day celebrations but, one of the main ones was related to why that day was not a good one for her.

—Sure—Debbie said—what is it about?—

—Just something I need to do, a personal tradition that… I wanted to show you, but… is no big deal, I mean, we can do it another time—Sandy said sipping from her coffee.

Debbie shrugged with a suspicious look, she always wondered why Sandy had such a shady personality, always avoiding the important parts of things, but she had also agreed on trying to be more patient and less nosy, so she didn’t ask more. —No, it’s ok, I’ll go with you—she said, and Sandy nodded.

—Ok then, I’ll drive. Just… one thing, don’t ask until we’re there ok?—she asked and Debbie nodded.

What could this be about?

A surprise was unlikely, Sandy was definitely not that kind of person, but… could it be?

Debbie sighed and took a bite of her bagel, before following Sandy out.

On their way to the cemetery, none of them said a word. Debbie could see that Sandy seemed a bit off, like even though she was driving, her mind was going somewhere else. She began to wonder what was all of this about, but when the car reached that graveyard, somehow something clicked inside her head.

—Well, this seems like an odd place for a date if you ask me—Debbie said trying to break the tension.

Sandy smirked—quite the opposite, been on dates back in the day at these places, quite the dark vibe—

Debbie didn’t answer right away. That was the first time she heard about her girlfriend’s past love life and she was not gonna lose the chance now.

They stepped out of the car and Sandy took a deep breath.

—You a goth back in the day?—Sandy raised an eyebrow and grinned.

—Nah, not my thing. But dated one, turned out quite bad—she answered.

Debbie was intrigued, but just when she was about to ask for more details, Sandy spoke again.

—We’ll walk a bit if that’s okay, definitely not finding our thing among the “fancy” dead area—she said.

Debbie thought for a second. Sandy wouldn’t bring her to talk about a dead ex, would she?

That would be fucked, really fucked and she would be pissed for sure, but again, she was a Milkovich and there was a lot to expect from any Milkovich she had ever encountered, even the weirdest of things.

As they walked through the area, Sandy remained pretty quiet and Debbie began to grow impatient.

—What are we looking for exactly?—she asked.

Sandy didn’t answer. She kept walking until a rocky path at the end, the place looked much more different than the previous area, it was full of broken tombs and weed, she could see that was clearly some abandoned area of the cemetery and she turned curious.

—We’re here—Sandy finally spoke, kneeling down on a tomb that had nothing but a big rock with the name “Felix M.” on it and a date that could just tell her that person died pretty young.

—Who’s this?—Debbie asked.

Sandy paused for a moment, without facing Debbie right away. She took a pack of cigarettes from her jacket pocket and placed it next to the rock.

—Babe?—Debbie asked again.

—This is… Felix, my brother—she said.

Debbie felt a cold breeze on her shoulders as she heard for the first time something breaking on Sandy’s voice.

—Oh shit—she said.

—Yeah…—Sandy replied.

—I mean… I’m sorry babe, what… what happened?—Debbie asked, then cursed herself for such a stupid question. Why would Sandy want to tell her about that if she was obviously affected by it?

—He… died when I was 9, on this date—Sandy said lighting up a cigarette—I come here since, every year, leave some smokes, talk, have a beer, you know, just… to tell him how fucked up I still am—

Debbie felt her own heart breaking. She could think of any of her brothers right there, Ian, Liam, Lip, Carl… she couldn’t imagine a life without any of them in it.

Sandy sat on the rock and looked up at the sky. Debbie followed sitting next to her.

—Was he sick?—Debbie asked.

Sandy shook her head.

—He od’d—she quickly answered taking up her cigarette—not his fault really, but… is part of why I… wanted to bring you here, you know… since you talk about trust and shit. This is… part of who I am, I’m just… problematic, always have been—

Debbie’s heart stopped, Sandy was hurting she could see it, but it was in a way she had never been allowed to see before.

—I don’t think you are, I mean… if you are, I’m sure you don’t know our family—

Sandy smirked—not the same—

Debbie shrugged; she could only imagine.

—My mom has always been a junkie… but, she’s also much more than that, she’s a total bitch. Truth is… Felix was all I had growing up, he… took me when I was two, and mom had fled with some guy she was dealing with, Felix was six I think and… already had to raise a fucking toddler—

Debbie remembered Fiona in that moment, she thought of her brothers, herself, Monica, even Franny. She knew what a life with chaotic parents was but… this, this was something that touched her on a different level. Fiona was alive, all her brothers were alive and Monica among other things had tried her best when she wasn’t high or having one of her episodes. She couldn’t compare it, she couldn’t think of Fiona dying on her so young.

Sandy’s eyes watered, but she didn’t cry. She would never do it in front of Debbie or anyone for that matter.

—I’m so sorry Sandy—she muttered. Sandy shook her head.

—He did what he could, but… he trusted Joana too much, I realized of that just too late. She had this way of getting into his skin, of always getting her way when he was doing good—Sandy paused then kept going, memories flashing like a movie that she couldn’t stop—thing is… she came back after years, she called and said she had planned this whole fucking party for him and of course, we went, because… Felix wanted to see her, somehow a part of him still wanted the mother he never had and… she fucked him over, one last time—

Debbie kissed Sandy’s shoulder tenderly—she killed him?—

—Killing would’ve been more merciful if you ask me, she… destroyed him… just like she always had, truth is… Felix od’d because of her and I almost did too—

Debbie’s heart stopped again—YOU WERE NINE SANDY—

—Yeah… I never said I was a saint, I always tried to… you know play it cool, tried to fit and… Felix would watch over, he’d never let me go over so… yeah, perhaps it wasn’t the best thing but… that’s all we had growing up, that’s what somehow… saved our lives and at the same time take them away—

—I’m so sorry that happened—

—Yeah… don’t need to be, I’ve been clean since, I mean… for the most part, I’d do recreational stuff every now and then but… nothing like we did before. So… when my mom came back I… just didn’t now what to feel, plus she drops a fucking abuser on my doorstep and tells me I’m now married to him, it’s just some fucked up shit right there—

—I… I’m kinda speechless to be honest, didn’t think you could’ve gone through that—

—Well, I try to just fucking live by, you know? Sometimes forgetting is the best way, except there’s things from your past that will never really go away, and… even though is not my best memory, I like to remember Felix, and… this is like… my “happy” place if that’s not so fucking weird—Sandy smiled.

—Well… I wouldn’t exactly label it that way if we count the number of dead bodies around here—Debbie joked. Sandy smirked—but I get it, I’d also would want to feel like he’s not entirely gone if I were you—

—So… that’s me, a bit at least—Sandy said—still want to keep it going?—

Debbie wrapped her arms around her neck and nodded—I would like it, yeah… I know bad, been around it too, but you Sandy… you’re not any of that, neither are you so fucked up that you don’t deserve to be loved, and I’ll stick around for as long as you want me to—

Sandy didn’t say a word.

Why was Debbie so fucking corny?

She nodded in silence and a minuscule’s tear left her eyes. Debbie felt it but didn’t say anything, not this time. She held her girlfriend in her arms just for a bit longer and Sandy let her do it.

—Thank you for letting me know this part of you Sandy—Debbie whispered.

—For what’s worth, I think he would’ve liked you—

Debbie smiled.

—Of course he would. Nobody can hate me, duh—Sandy pushed her away.

—How about we go and save Franny from those idiots and we do something less… dead for the rest of the day? Maybe we can join the chocolate contest.

Debbie nodded—oh Franny would love that for sure, c’mon now, we got a party to plan—

Sandy nodded and stood up.

—Fuck yeah—she said and took one last glance at Felix tomb as they walked away.


End file.
